The Bathroom Wolfpack

This post is mainly for the ladies. Gentlemen, you've witnessed the madness, but living the experience is something entirely different and truly... special. I am talking about the case of the bathroom wolfpack. 

Let's start a few hours earlier (before the wolfpack starts to assemble). Ladies you're in the bathroom of your home getting ready. Checking your phone as the group texts are flying. 

"Where are we going?" - - "What are y'all wearing?" - - "Ugh I have nothing to wear!" - - "OMG he better be there" - - "Girl you look great in that, def wear that" - - "Have you talked to anyone? - - "I'm gonna kill it tonight" - - "I just wanna dance" - - "OMG I'm so hungover, I sooo need to rally" - - "What time are we going?" - - "I've already had a few glasses of wine, I am feeling goood"

It's all really captivating and important stuff. Once you figure out where your guy friends are going, and inevitably where you will end up because lets face it - you have no say anyway, you head downtown and decide what lot is best for leaving your car over night. Or maybe just the best place for the least chance of getting towed; whatever suits your fancy. You order a few drinks, girl chat, check out the inventory, then suddenly somebody says it... "I have to go to the bathroom does anyone have to go?". The first round, its early. The wolfpack has only just arrived and they are getting settled at the bar. The chance of having to go alone is high to very high. Time passes, and then....it happens again, only this time..... "Ugh I TOTALLY broke the seal, do you want to go the bathroom?". YES. Now - -I personally can go alone. Call me an independent woman, or someone who just wants to go and get back to the party, but I am one of the few. Walk into any bar after 11pm, head towards the women's restroom, and there you will find several bathroom wolfpacks waiting. There are multiple "breeds", if you will.

#1 - The Lone Wolf

This is me the majority of the time. Like I said. Get in, get out, and try to understand the situation. When you got to go, you got to go. And remember there are, almost always, others waiting behind you. She's visually patient waiting in line, but tapping her foot in her head. Wait too long...and she could turn into "The Wolf".

#2 - The Wolf

Straight up, this girl is pissed. She feels entitled to be at the front of the line and can't believe that the girl(s) that just walked into the bathroom haven't come out yet. 1 minute of waiting, is 10 in her mind. She's in your ear like an annoying mosquito on a summer night, "Did you knock?" -- "How many girls are in there?" - - "God, what is taking them so long" - - "HELLLOOOO we are waiting!!". 

#3 - The Twin Wolves

BFF's for life. This pair isn't going anywhere without one another. That includes the bathroom. This is a hit or miss. Sometimes the wait outside the door is short. My guess, only one had to go and the other was there for moral support. The miss - homegirl had a meltdown and can't believe Johnny Tightpants up by the DJ won't dance with her. Move it along ladies, that's what tables are for at bars.

#4 - The Wolfpack

The 'we travel in packs, get over it' group of females. Going in 6 at a time, they are thankful for the handicap standard size, one stall room. They can all fit, fix each others hair, give a few high fives on how awesome the night is, take a few instagram pics/snapchats, possibly use the restroom, and forget there's a party on the other side of the door. Lets face it. The party is in the bathroom at this point. The Wolfpack loves its. Leaving you commonly here a "hahahhahaha whatever, did you hear her bang on the door like 5 times, what a b****", or there's the "we were really quick y'all". 

#5 - The Possibly Dead Wolf

You think....Is someone even in there? Is the door jammed? What the hell is taking her so long? This is the girl that possibly passed out while using the commode. Or, wait for it, nope - just needed a quiet place to make a phone call. Thanks. The 20 of us in line appreciate it. 



Glad she's alive, you're next. I've seen it all. Last night this girl, a wolf if you will, came up to me after I had been waiting a few minutes and instantly started complaining. After being second in line for 30 seconds she resorted to the male restroom. A fine choice for her, I assume. To my fellow wolfpacks - Be patient. Be quick. Get in. Get out.