Segs In The City

I know what you're thinking - what a badass. I'll admit, at first I was like a baby deer trying to get her balance. Very uneasy and I definitely moved cautiously. Though within minutes, like a moth to a flame, I was drawn to the motion. You would be, too. 

A few months back Will and I were chatting and I had mentioned a Groupon or Living Social deal, or something along those lines. He had said he was 'only sent the good ones' from friends. So naturally when Greenville Glides had a "Segway Tour for 2" pop up in my email, I passed it along. Jokingly of course; as if this was the best one I had seen yet. Within minutes, the idea of the tour became a gchat reality as to which one of us were going to buy the adventure of a lifetime. This was actually going to happen. A week later when the deal was sold out, selling 175 tours and Will and I not being one of them, disappointment set in. What once was a joke, turned into a "next time". One July morning while brushing my pearly whites, my phone went off with an email alert. A Living Social gem and true surprise. There she was, a Greenville Glides Segway Tour. Without any hesitation I passed it along. Sold.

For the past 2 months I have been watching what I have referred to as the "idiots" ride up and down the streets of Greenville, fully equipped with the look of fear in their eye and a helmet on their head. Most moving at a snails pace, focused on what's ahead, and showing a death grip on the handlebars; they never see me taking a picture with my iPhone. The rest - enjoying themselves so much they'd be the cover photo for the next advertisement. I would laugh (at all of them), and then continue to laugh thinking about myself on one of those baby's. After big cheesin' on a segway for 2 hours straight, I get all of it. Allow me to explain.

Like I previously mentioned, when I first got on, I was a hot mess. You see when you arrive at the place, you watch a video about all the ways you could hurt yourself or damage their $6,300 transportation unit, and then sign a waiver releasing them of any harm....plus I was literally hot. The door was open to the outdoor heat and my roommate Lauren bombarded the scene for a paparazzi photo, catching me very off guard. Could I blame her? Of course not.

Anyway, you hop on the thing and it calibrates and adjusts according to your balance. Then you literally drive it with your toes and heels. Leaning forward and backwards to help stop and go. The handlebar, as I quickly discovered, was merely for decoration and a place for your arms to rest. Will and I both took our test runs indoors and then quickly ventured out onto the streets. Within minutes we got the hang of it and were cruisin' down Main Street as if no one was staring at us. Trust me. They were. Karma is a real bitch. 

We got some good looks, a couple chuckles, and luckily no other paparazzi appearing from the bushes. Which is surprising since many of our friends laughed out loud for several minutes, simply of the thought of either of us on a segway (I'm going to go out on a limb and say that they were laughing mainly at Will...look how natural I look on that thing ;). I do believe I saw one camera, though this woman tried to be pretty sly about it. Like I said, I get it. We looked ridiculous. I'd like to think I can pull off a lot of things, but a clunky green helmet is not one of them. Maybe those with the death grip I saw were just nervous. Nervous due to judging spectators, like I once was. Our tour guide Steve did say there always tends to be one lady in the group that slows everybody else down. My fear was that that lady could be me. Thus leading to my extreme caution when first stepping onto my new wheels. Nahhh....not me. Not on a segway. Like lightning this one. Once we grabbed the brisk, top speed of 12mph you couldn't wipe the smile off my face. It was either that or listening to the man in the overalls (probably named Gandalf, pictured behind me) tell Steve about his dinner plans. That made me smile, too. 

Will and I got lucky and didn't have any other riders on our tour, so Steve got to take us more places than normal. I would highly recommend going on one of these things if you have the chance. I'd definitely do it again. The next time I see a pack of "idiots" segway-ing down the street, I'm going to wish I was one of them.

Look at us go....big cheesin'.

Loose Change

Back in my glory days at Clemson University I spent many a night at one of the local watering holes, Loose Change. Like Cheers, everybody knows your name and if you spent more than $20 by the end of the night, you were doing something wrong. How they stay in business is beyond me. Homegirl here is not complaining. Quality beers for $1.50 and you can order 2 shots split 10 ways and everyone still gets a full one - in fact they are the size of a small beverage. If there was one place they saved money, it was on air-conditioning. Holy hell it would get humid in there. And for some reason the "place to be" was in the long, skinny hallway leading back to the bathrooms. You tigers born in the 90's have no idea what I'm talking about. Privileged with new renovations to 'Loose', the kids raging in DT Clemson these days are spoiled with a large open bar and...wait for it... air conditioning!! AND 3 bathrooms. Little punks. That was unheard of! Bowling a few frames on a giant video game was popular (better still be there), as well as the touchscreen Spot the Difference game fully equipped with nudey pics. To help us struggling college students, looking to get a good buzz and a possible fraternity/sorority function date, cool down they hooked us up with a giant industrial fan located in the corner of the bar. One night (or several) the back of the bar turned into an epic photo shoot. Nothing like a good blast of air to the hair to pump up a glamour shot. The most unbelievable picture of my roommate at the time, Jillian, surfaced to facebook, profile pictures, and still haunts her to this day. I'd post but her professional career is far beyond mine. Her picture is safe with me. Last night another past roommate of mine, Taylor, and I were discussing how ecstatic and eager we are for next weekends home opener against UGA. Moments later we started to reminisce. With great coincidence I happened to be standing next to another industrial fan (I hang out in some great places, let me tell you). As you can imagine I took the moment and ran with it. There are several of these gems. This one making the cut to be featured on Instagram. Got to love social media. Jillian had given more of a zoolander-esque face, but I think we can all agree....I nailed it. 

Loose Change is calling my name, as well as Todaro's, Lot 1, Death Valley, 356, Blue Heron... Ugh, I could go on forever. Amazeballs. #GoTigers

And YOU get a humpback whale!

I grew up in a house with Oprah. Not literally of course, but figuratively speaking. I can remember countless days of my middle school years getting off the bus, grabbing an oatmeal cream pie or bag of cheese combos, and joining my mother for the 4 o'clock treasure. There were 2 types of Oprah shows. The one where she screams "Helllllllloooooo", and gives countless amounts of favorite things away - saying "and YOU GET A HUMPBACK WHALE, AND YOU GET A WHALE, AND YOU GET A WHALE"- or the one where Dr. Phil intervenes on the abusive family, who lost everything in a fire, just after surviving a fight with a horrific illness....or ya know, something like that. Think Sarah McLachlan and the animal cruelty commercial. Terrible. The screaming shows were more my rhythm. Not only because I did in fact like her favorite things, but because of the raging reactions of the studio audience. The Queen of Television has been off the air for a while now, so perhaps you would like a refreshment. What I'd give to be part of this scene...

I am sure your reaction was about the same when you realized Hennessey Hits had reached the 30,000 views mark. I know - me too. I wanted to give out humpback whales, lasagna pans, watches, and 7 day cruises much like the daytime television diva herself, but have you mailed anything lately? The U.S. Postal system has been taking their sweet time, and it would just take too long. So instead I am just going to give you a glimpse at Hennessey's Favorite things - all wonderfully within in your price range (no doubt) and you can enjoy as true celebration of my 30,000 mark. Eat your heart out and as always, thanks for reading.