The pictures do tend to surprise me more times then not, because every time I'm in a Walmart I see some unattractive people, but nothing that goes this far. I've never had a "walmart moment" until yesterday. Unfortunately I was the offender. In my defense let me start by saying that it was late, it was dark out, and I was in a big rush. It's "cooler season" for college kids - meaning I have excited freshmen girls calling me in desperate need for a well decorated mountain weekend cooler and normally at the last minute (really important stuff I know)! Therefore I hopped in the car and drove swiftly over to my local wally world for none other than a bright red cooler with wheels. As I pulled up to park something came over me. A feeling. A soft feeling.......between my toes. I looked down. In the quick flee to my car I guess I forgot to put on shoes....or change. Still wearing my slippers, or what I would like to call now - my house shoes - I picked up the phone and immediately called my roommate, Meredith. It would have been ok except for what else I had on. Large sweatpants from college, a big hoody, accompanied by my newly dyed jet black hair for what will soon be the most amazing Snooki costume you've ever seen. I looked like a hot mess. Big time. If I were in my own home I probably would have changed if I knew someone was stopping by....big time bummin it. With that, and the laughing support of Meredith, I got out of the car and tried to assure myself that there HAD to be someone who looked as disheveled as me inside those sliding doors. Nope. Like my experience with the church goers a few Sundays ago (read: I Know Better), eyes looked me up and down with a bit of disappointment. Really people?! It's Walmart, where are these high expectations coming from? and where are all the rednecks I normally see? So what did I do....I decided to play "college student". Poor, tired, hungry, with a touch of hangover. I rocked those slippers - which again, in my defense looked like house shoes. I also think that my scary hair gave a hint of bad ass attitude, kind of like a "don't mess with me, I may have a gun in this hoody" vibe. I got my cooler and headed to the cashier. She did a full inspection of the cooler to make sure I wasn't stealing anything. Good thing, too, because in my race to the sporting goods section I forgot I had placed a roll of duct tape inside so I wouldn't have to carry it. Great, now her and Betty Lou the greeter think I tried to pull a fast one on them......I had what she thought was 'guilt' written all over my face, when really I wanted to tell her it was 'embarrassment'. If you know me, when placed in uncomfortable situations I start to sweat. By my appearance it definitely appeared that paying the $6 for duct tape seemed out of the question, though she believed it was an honest mistake. Lesson #2 this month for support of - when in public, get your sh*t together.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
My version of the "People of Walmart"
We all get those email forwards. You know, "The People of Walmart" ones where you see butt crack after butt crack, followed by back boobs, the occasional mullet, or really hairy man in tight pants.....or woman, with, well, no pants. These forwards have made there way around so much, that now when I get one I don't even laugh but quiver or erase the email entirely. There's even a music video about it....
The pictures do tend to surprise me more times then not, because every time I'm in a Walmart I see some unattractive people, but nothing that goes this far. I've never had a "walmart moment" until yesterday. Unfortunately I was the offender. In my defense let me start by saying that it was late, it was dark out, and I was in a big rush. It's "cooler season" for college kids - meaning I have excited freshmen girls calling me in desperate need for a well decorated mountain weekend cooler and normally at the last minute (really important stuff I know)! Therefore I hopped in the car and drove swiftly over to my local wally world for none other than a bright red cooler with wheels. As I pulled up to park something came over me. A feeling. A soft feeling.......between my toes. I looked down. In the quick flee to my car I guess I forgot to put on shoes....or change. Still wearing my slippers, or what I would like to call now - my house shoes - I picked up the phone and immediately called my roommate, Meredith. It would have been ok except for what else I had on. Large sweatpants from college, a big hoody, accompanied by my newly dyed jet black hair for what will soon be the most amazing Snooki costume you've ever seen. I looked like a hot mess. Big time. If I were in my own home I probably would have changed if I knew someone was stopping by....big time bummin it. With that, and the laughing support of Meredith, I got out of the car and tried to assure myself that there HAD to be someone who looked as disheveled as me inside those sliding doors. Nope. Like my experience with the church goers a few Sundays ago (read: I Know Better), eyes looked me up and down with a bit of disappointment. Really people?! It's Walmart, where are these high expectations coming from? and where are all the rednecks I normally see? So what did I do....I decided to play "college student". Poor, tired, hungry, with a touch of hangover. I rocked those slippers - which again, in my defense looked like house shoes. I also think that my scary hair gave a hint of bad ass attitude, kind of like a "don't mess with me, I may have a gun in this hoody" vibe. I got my cooler and headed to the cashier. She did a full inspection of the cooler to make sure I wasn't stealing anything. Good thing, too, because in my race to the sporting goods section I forgot I had placed a roll of duct tape inside so I wouldn't have to carry it. Great, now her and Betty Lou the greeter think I tried to pull a fast one on them......I had what she thought was 'guilt' written all over my face, when really I wanted to tell her it was 'embarrassment'. If you know me, when placed in uncomfortable situations I start to sweat. By my appearance it definitely appeared that paying the $6 for duct tape seemed out of the question, though she believed it was an honest mistake. Lesson #2 this month for support of - when in public, get your sh*t together.
The pictures do tend to surprise me more times then not, because every time I'm in a Walmart I see some unattractive people, but nothing that goes this far. I've never had a "walmart moment" until yesterday. Unfortunately I was the offender. In my defense let me start by saying that it was late, it was dark out, and I was in a big rush. It's "cooler season" for college kids - meaning I have excited freshmen girls calling me in desperate need for a well decorated mountain weekend cooler and normally at the last minute (really important stuff I know)! Therefore I hopped in the car and drove swiftly over to my local wally world for none other than a bright red cooler with wheels. As I pulled up to park something came over me. A feeling. A soft feeling.......between my toes. I looked down. In the quick flee to my car I guess I forgot to put on shoes....or change. Still wearing my slippers, or what I would like to call now - my house shoes - I picked up the phone and immediately called my roommate, Meredith. It would have been ok except for what else I had on. Large sweatpants from college, a big hoody, accompanied by my newly dyed jet black hair for what will soon be the most amazing Snooki costume you've ever seen. I looked like a hot mess. Big time. If I were in my own home I probably would have changed if I knew someone was stopping by....big time bummin it. With that, and the laughing support of Meredith, I got out of the car and tried to assure myself that there HAD to be someone who looked as disheveled as me inside those sliding doors. Nope. Like my experience with the church goers a few Sundays ago (read: I Know Better), eyes looked me up and down with a bit of disappointment. Really people?! It's Walmart, where are these high expectations coming from? and where are all the rednecks I normally see? So what did I do....I decided to play "college student". Poor, tired, hungry, with a touch of hangover. I rocked those slippers - which again, in my defense looked like house shoes. I also think that my scary hair gave a hint of bad ass attitude, kind of like a "don't mess with me, I may have a gun in this hoody" vibe. I got my cooler and headed to the cashier. She did a full inspection of the cooler to make sure I wasn't stealing anything. Good thing, too, because in my race to the sporting goods section I forgot I had placed a roll of duct tape inside so I wouldn't have to carry it. Great, now her and Betty Lou the greeter think I tried to pull a fast one on them......I had what she thought was 'guilt' written all over my face, when really I wanted to tell her it was 'embarrassment'. If you know me, when placed in uncomfortable situations I start to sweat. By my appearance it definitely appeared that paying the $6 for duct tape seemed out of the question, though she believed it was an honest mistake. Lesson #2 this month for support of - when in public, get your sh*t together.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment