Port-O-Oh-NO!

My random thought of the week.

We all have a biggest fear. Some people are afraid of public speaking, some are afraid of spiders, maybe yours is being afraid of someone hiding behind your shower curtain when you arrive home ready to attack (we’ve all been there, don’t deny it)…..all respectable fears.  Mine however, I realized last week. My biggest fear, bigger than a man behind my shower curtain, is being in a Port-O-Potty and it getting pushed over. Can you even imagine? I don’t care if it’s a fresh, 8am john that no one at the tailgate has used yet, I still can’t even imagine how terrible that would be! To realize this fear of mine, I wasn’t even close to living it. Thank God! But instead was in the middle “stall” of a row of about 5 port-o-potties at a recent Clemson game. Apparently the gentleman next to me was extremely intoxicated, which led to him banging around, possibly losing his footing. Who knows but with every action, there is a reaction, and mine was shear panic. As I’m hovering over the extremely used commode after a large Clemson victory and hot day, I couldn’t wait to get out of there. The wall to the left of me shook like an earthquake and I heard the line of people laughing….which made me think some drunk idiot was about to be hilarious (or so he thought) and push me over. Immediately my imagination got the best of me. I don’t think I’ve ever peed so fast in my life and got the hell out of there. Even though nothing actually happened the embarrassment on my face as I opened the door to come out, probably had the line curious as to what just happened in my own. Which obviously made me even more embarrassed, as I quickly walked away. I wanted to share my thoughts of terror, but went on my way, and back to my tailgate. As every social drinker knows, once you “break the seal” you have to use the restroom quite often during a day of drinking. So this wasn’t going to be my last visit to a possible nightmare. I never have been the girl who needs a friend to go with her to the bathroom, nor have I ever wanted to be, but perhaps now that I am afraid of what could be, I will have to start. I don’t know what would be worse; the actual act of being in there while pushed over, or having to come out looking like a smurf who just completed a mud run. So gross. I’d imagine at this point that while reading this, your face has scrunched, your eyebrows turned in, and your mouth is showing a few teeth in a grin of “eek!”…….so just remember there are worse things that can happen to you than needing to kill a spider, or come home to a dark house.  You could be pushed over in a port-o-potty. I think that wins.