Hooky Humpday

I remember the days of middle school asking, no - begging, my father to allow me to "play hooky" from school for the upcoming day. Rarely succeeding, but remembering oh so well that feeling when he said "fine". I had that feeling again this week when I asked my career parent - my manager - if I could take the day due to some heavy overtime I had put in recently. It was kind of her idea anyway so it was a non-issue, but when I got the "yes" you can probably imagine my excitement knowing I'd sleep in with no alarm. 

That day was today. I woke up at 9am. Lets talk about #postgradproblems, shall we. It's so sad to me that I was ecstatic to see that I slept until 9am. I got up to use the bathroom, climbed back into bed, because surely I could use more sleep, and then thought, "No, you have so much to do". I was so excited to be off that I almost didn't want to waste it....sleeping? I had off and needed off because I had life to take care of. I assured myself I'd fit in a nap somewhere later in the day. There were more important things on the list first....and some not so important things. It depends on how you prioritize. We may differ in opinion. My first stop:

 A Perfect 10. Call ahead for Julia.  You won't be disappointed ladies - 3 coats. Every time. Same for pedi's. When I called in from bed to see if Julia was working there was some confusion in dialog (as you can imagine). I mentioned I was in no rush, which apparently was taken as a huge rush. My 9:30 phone call soon became a 10am appointment. Regardless a nice set of hands was a great start to my day. I also got a nice laugh out of being told I had "tiny nail like Lauren" (my roommate and advocate of Julia's) and then she later confirmed what I have been told by so many friends -  "Lacey you have small hand". A common observation and 100% accurate statement. 

After I got my nails done, I met Johnny - a sweet gentleman and kind soul at O'Reilly's Auto Parts willing to help out a helpless, young girl who curled her hair and "dressed the part" of someone clearly clueless about cars. Did you know that only one light bulb controls both the brake light and blinker on a Jeep? Now you do. Mine was fried. Literally. The light bulb was black. I had a nice little laugh when Johnny took it out of the socket. That sweet man gave me an extra bulb just in case the left one goes out. Let's be honest. If you know my experience with Dora, or any of my past Volvo's, we see this one coming. Somebody knock-on-wood for me.

Naming rights are still out on the Patriot. Suggestions are welcomed. You should really see him/her shine. I'll tell you what, those folks at Greenville Car Wash know what they're doing. However, I looked Giarmo right in the eyes when I pulled up and said, "Give me the best you got". He looked back at me and said with his fancy accent, "Pina Colada?". I died a little inside. Hell no, I don't want my car to smell like Pina Colada, or Mint, or God help me New Car, because the last time I got New Car scent I received a whole lot of smelly comments from the peanut gallery who rode in my vehicle. I went with, "Actually let's go with no scent, Giarmo". 

On to the next task. Paying more dreaded medical bills. Don't worry I'm not dying, but it's last year all over again. I honestly don't understand the point of a deductible. I always try to remain calm with customer service staff on phone calls because I think they have the worst job. Think about it. In any industry, specifically cable companies, they only speak with people that, from the moment they answer the phone, hate them. So I try to be nice and understand that it's the company and their policies that I hate, not the person on the other line. If nothing else, try and take that away from this message today. I promise you there is no other lesson, anyway. 

I decided if I was giving out money today, I might as well give some to everyone. I had one gift card still burning a hole in my wallet from Christmas and a few Angel Rewards cards to my personal danger zone - so off to the mall I went. Yes, I went to the food court. 2 times in 2 weeks. That has to be some time of redneck record.  But I'm talking about my other danger zone, Victoria's Secret.

I went in with my purpose and the damage was done. Vickie. You win again. You send me $10 off this, Free pantie that, and yet I leave with a bag that could house a large cat.

And Forever 21, you are a 27,000 square foot store, yet you only let me take 6 items at a time into the dressing room? In what world does that make any sense? Especially in a store where I could be a small, medium, or a large, because your clothes are so inconsistent. That means I have to take in 2 of everything. I'm not mad because I'll never pay more than $22.50 for anything you sell, but it's a lot of back and forth. Touché. You got me. 13 items in. 4 items out. I get it now, it's a numbers game.

There's been some conversation among some groups that I may be moving. I can neither confirm nor deny these allegations. I will comment, however, that I went to check out a beautiful bedroom suite today, thanks to Fickle Greenville, and have decided to make the purchase. Now I'm just in the market for a strapping young lad to help me pick it up and place it in storage until it is ready to find its final home.

Last on the docket was Bowling League. I've suffered a slight injury which hurt our game. I'm not gonna say I ruined the night for us, because I most definitely was not the only one bringing us down, but tonight was not my night to say the least. The good thing is Team "I Can't Believe It's Not Gutter" is great at losing, so it really has become natural to us. Much like the modern day tee-ball team, we all get a turn, we're all out there for fun, and you get a high five from your teammates even if you suck. The added bonus in this case - buckets/pitchers of beer. 

I've been saying for a while now that I've wanted to play hooky and go to Carowinds, and I still really want to do that, but with placing "fun" aside, today was one of the most productive and efficient days. Much needed. The only thing missing was a few swings of the golf club and a few rubs of the shoulders. If only there were more hours in the day. #postgradproblems

"He hit her with that Emoji"

Every good wine night or "deets sesh" with friends results in great stories. A recent tale about a gentleman on the prowl resulted in a "Daaamn, he hit her with that emojiiiiii??", followed with boisterous laughter from the surrounding group. His choice of digital emotion may have been a little premature, but none the less he got the point across. After all text messages can be taken so many ways. 

I've gotten my share of emoji's and I've certainly sent several, so after the conversation this group had I was curious as to my "favorites". At that moment the Recently Used seen above seemed to be my top choices. Nothing too strange. I mean who doesn't like to send their friends a nice pile of poop every now and again...? These feelings can be used in so many ways. Allow me to break my meaning down to you. 

As I've expressed before, I love a good Snapchat. Many a day I would send my very own musical treats through brief video clips to close friends. My ultimate favorite - singing "I'm the Man" by Aloe Blacc (as if I were a baller). If not that, you could definitely catch a rendition of  "Love on Top" by Beyonce. Perhaps this is the reason that Greenville has decided to shut down any use of phones (aka hand-held devices) while driving a vehicle. I must admit, I have since broken the law. What my people want, my people get. 

Why use words when you can offer a silent round of applause. Yes, I do want to go there. Friend, you make me so proud. Love, I couldn't agree more. That was so embarrassing, job well done. I like it. I love. I want some more of it.

When I'm not bringing my two carni sized hands together, I'm throwing you up one unusually small thumb. This is my basic 'Yes'. My 'I'm good', if you will. Frequently used and probably abused.

As a roaring twenty something, I frequent the watering holes of Downtown Greenville. Whether its a half priced bottled happy hour or a weekend night on the town, creating plans tends to involve one of the 2. If not before, the morning after text sessions discussing the previous nights shambles sometimes leads to a pictorial conversation. 

Pretty sure all of the above gems have been added onto the end of Snap every-now and again. I definitely wouldn't bet against it. 

This one has been on my favorites list for a while. What can I say - I love a good cookie, and I guess I'm also not afraid to share my poor dieting choices with the world. If you can't indulge every once in a while, you are holding yourself to a ridiculous standard. Eat cookies. 

This one treads a fine line. Dependent on the conversation if I throw you that heart-wink-smooch, I may be throwing you some sugar. Maybe discussion for another time, but it's funny how we use hearts these days - we can heart something or someone, but watch out, don't love it. Hearts are the "xo-xo" of emojis. I heart that, but I may not L that. I see what we're all doing, thus I conclude with this....

....enter comedic relief stage right. There is nothing like a little humor to add to every conversation. He (obviously a male icon because let's be honest, girls don't poop), seems to be so cheerful yet can inform any contact in your phone that you are not happy with the situation. It's my 'No Dice', my 'Eww', my fake 'I hate you', or maybe just the first thing I send you in the morning to put a big, fat smile on your face. 

I love a good emoji. Hit me with your best. 

Is it lying if...

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Is it lying if it's for April Fools' Day?

On more than one occasion I have been a target - nay - a victim of David Stone's practical jokes. Most people find joy in holidays such as Christmas, Thanksgiving, and 4th of July, yet David, a dear friend of mine, always finds a way to share his passion for April Fools' Day. His tall tales are always so realistic that year-after-year he finds a way "in". My fake eviction from him a few years ago took the cake. That was quite the day. So when David called me a few weeks back to ask if I could help with a 'soon-to-be viral' April Fools' Day joke, I was curious. When I found out I originally had sparked his interest for the idea, I was flattered. Well, really just glad I wasn't getting duped yet again.

Back when I lived with David I took over the living room on Monday nights watching ABC's 'The Bachelor'. I told him repeatedly that he should audition, and that if he didn't apply, I was going to do it for him. Years later here we are. 

David's ultimate charade is being recognized as a selected contestant on the upcoming season of 'The Bachelorette'. It started with a rumor a few weeks back, followed with the 'official' ABC letter, and finished with a simple post of "LA Bound" the night prior to his glorious holiday.

I gave him insight to the show, when they would probably be doing casting, what he should maybe say, and his posts took off. This little white lie was killing me. Watching the "likes" and comments pour in was entertaining, but I felt like such a cheat. I have no doubt that David will continue to attempt his pranks again and again, so when I got a chance to jump on board, I did. 

I have to say my favorite comment of them all is from a member of our bowling league, Othniel. Not a moment of 'well wishing' for David, but instead making sure he pre-bowled this week. Leaving for LA would definitely interfere with the "Bowling Stones" average. 

The second thing I have noticed is how many people have suddenly requested David's "friendship" or commented on how their sisters cousins husband once knew him or something along those lines. 

The moral of the story for David, however, is that he'd have 300+ friends and acquaintances rooting for him to "find love", or at least get a few extra stamps on his already well traveled passport. 

The joke may be on all of you, however, the real joke could be on David. About a month and a half ago, as the past season of 'The Bachelor' was in full swing, I submitted an application on David's behalf. With any luck, we'll soon be thinking he's the boy that cried "Bachelor". Fingers crossed.

David/Elan's Confession:

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